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Ally’s 5 Rules of Bathroom Etiquette

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Ok, I am gonna talk about something that no one wants to talk about, but it has to be said. After working in a large office with lots of women (not here by the way), I’ve learned that there are certain rules that should be followed in the bathroom and I have decided to list them here. So now I bring you…

The 5 Rules of Proper Bathroom Etiquette:

1. Don’t use your cell phone while using the bathroom.

I’m sorry, but I don’t want that person you’re talking to hearing me doing my business…and I’m pretty sure they probably don’t want to hear you doing yours either. I personally feel that invades my privacy. That’s why texting was invented.

2. If you need to stink it up, don’t use a middle stall.

Ok, we all have to do it sometimes, but there is NOTHING worse than going in a bathroom that smells to high heaven because someone in the middle bombed the place out. Seriously, if YOU think you stink, you smell much worse to everyone else, because you are at least a little used to your own funk. Spare us some air and let us breathe shallow breaths as far away as possible.

3. Use a seat cover, or at least clean up after yourself.

Sometimes there’s a droplet on the seat because of a powerful flush, and sometimes its a sloppy person. It’s always a good idea to check behind yourself. There is nothing more disgusting than seeing an imprint of where you just sat because you didn’t clean up after yourself well enough. Don’t leave a frown- Wipe it down. Haha I made that up all by myself.

4. Properly dispose of sanitary products.

I personally don’t understand why they are called “sanitary products” because, let’s be honest… the only thing they do is cause a greater need to sanitize, but anyway… please take an extra time to wrap your disposables in the trash can (if needed). I don’t want to see yours.

5. Please remember the unspoken rule of: The Silent Treatment.

The only sounds that I am comfortable hearing from you is the sound of a number 1. I shouldn’t hear any grunts, or sighs of relief, or any other disgusting sounds that are freely made. If you’re trying to not be heard, and I hear something, you get a pass, but if you are just sounding like a horse or a man, or like you just finished a large meal… there is a problem.

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