Ask Bristol: How Do I Know If I’m About To Get Dumped?

According to a recent study out of Germay, the TOP sign you're about to get dumped is when your partner starts losing weight. I've seen it time and time again... A guy is at home crying in his beer while his soon to be ex is shaking her ass at Superior over a few margaritas. Totally predictable, but true. Of course you're going to lose weight if you're looking for your next Mr./Mrs. Right... You're not going to make the same mistakes all over again, are  you?

My husband swears buying a woman new boobs is like paying it forward... and he would know since I'm wife number three! I'd love new boobs. Not even bigger, just put back where Jesus intended them to be originally. That's all. I don't think Keith has actually ever paid for boobs, but I know his friends sure have and he swears up and down this is the first step towards divorce court. I guess I'll sag or buy my own. Damn.

When you stop reaching for each other in the middle of the night and physical affection goes out the door, you've got problems. I've watched enough Dr. Phil to know that a couple has a hard time staying mad when they're intimate. So even if you don't want to, and his breath stinks, or she hasn't shaved her legs, get to it! Unless, of course, you want to hear some pretty heinous pick up lines... or even worse... not hear any pick up lines at all!

Sadly, you don't get that midday text that says, "I'm thinking of you" any more... Or even better, the one that says, "What are you wearing?" lol Seriously, when someone has one foot in and one foot out of a relationship, communication goes kaput! It takes them longer to call you back, return a text or even acknowledge that sweet puppy you posted on their Facebook wall. (I don't advise puppies on Facebook walls... J/S)

I didn't think these two deserved their own categories... Plus, I like having five reasons you're about to get dumped as opposed to six. Seriously, if they start asking for space, if you start living two separate lives, if nights out with the girls/boys become even more frequent, WAKE UP! As for nerves... We've all been there. Remember when you thought that cute habit was just so darn endearing... It's not anymore. It's freaking annoying, so stop it! If you're getting any kind of cues like that, it's probably a safe bet you're heading to splitsville or a therapist's couch! Which, if you've been posting puppies on Facebook, is probably where you belong anyways!