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Redneck Dressage – Part Quatre 50 Shades

Ann Switalski

I am having so much fun with my Redneck Dressage installments. But it seems I need to be careful. One of my ‘cowgirl’ friends reminded me to go easy on Western riders because they tend to carry guns. Yikes! I forget that you can put more than water in saddle bags!

Redneck Dressage – Open

Redneck Dressage – Part Deux

Redneck Dressage – Part Trois – Trail Riding

Redneck Dressage Part QUATRE – 50 SHADES

This past spring, a trilogy of books came out that had women riveted. To this day, I can’t believe they still sell them in Wal*Mart when they won’t sell CDs with dirty words, but we’ll save that for another time. Either way, I think you know I’m talking about the 50 Shades of Grey books. My mother gave them to me to read. To say the least, I was disturbed! The books were a hot topic of conversation, especially at the barn, which is by nature of the sport, populated mostly by women. We were all comparing notes on how far we were into the series, who should play Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele in the forthcoming movie, etc… In short, we were like girls discussing our teen crushes and we giggled incessantly.

My pas de deux partner and I attended a potluck lecture during the height of the 50 Shades madness. As the clinician talked about safe whip placement during freestyles, we couldn’t help but laugh! When she heard a whisper of ‘50 Shades,’ she told us she had a routine called ‘Shades of Grey.’ She totally misunderstood. We definitely weren’t talking about gray horses. This, of course, sent us into gales of laughter while the other attendees looked at us like we were crazy women. In our defense, wine was involved.

As the clinic progressed and Ann had to keep switching her ‘whip hand’ to avoid smacking Pai and I, we would dissolve into laughter over and over again. We weren’t gaining any points with the clinician. After all, in a pas de deux, someone has to be the leader. We decided Ann and her feisty mare were definitely the ‘doms.’

The books are a bit silly. After all, what horsewoman thinks of her crop in ‘that’ way? You don’t take something that’s been in your sweaty hands on a sweaty horse or laying around a barn into the house if you know what I mean. Before bed, I would read excerpts of the book to my husband. When read aloud, it’s pure comedy! He would just shake his head and turn on Law and Order. Then he got the bright idea that I should bring a crop home. Sure, no problem. As long as I get to bring my spurs!

 

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