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Soccer and Ping Pong Finally Join Forces in Idiotic New Sport

Of all the things Germany has given us — beer, men named Klaus, the desire to take over the world — this might be the strangest.

HEADIS — all caps, please — is a sport combining soccer and ping pong because, clearly, someone in Germany got drunk one night and decided this made perfect sense. Then again, this is the country that treats David Hasselhoff with the same reverence overweight 14-year-old girls view Taylor Swift, so you can’t really be surprised. It’s really the dumbest melding of sports since the world collectively ignored ‘BASEketball.’

In HEADIS, all you do is play ping pong on what appears to be the same standard table your parents got you and your brother when you were kids so you’d keep quiet in the basement while they stayed upstairs watching ‘thirtysomething’ undisturbed.

Here’s where it gets tricky, though, so hold on to your fahrvergnügen.

Instead of a traditional ping pong ball, you have to hit a seven-inch ball to the other side…with your head. Basically, everyone who hits the ball jerks their bodies around like Daniel Day-Lewis in ‘My Left Foot.’

Games are played until 11 and you have to win by two points because, well, who knows. We have yet to hear anyone complain about concussions from all the head contact, but we’ll be over here developing a cross between foosball and croquet until we do.

If you’d like to learn more about HEADIS, you can A) go here or B) make friends because you’ll need someone to look stupid with playing it.

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