WINNING!

28.7 million viewers (including Charlie Sheen) helped make the season premiere of "Two and a Half Men" its highest rated episode ever, easily crushing the opening of "Dancing with the Stars" and "The Sing-Off". The episode opened with the funeral of Sheen's character Charlie Harper and introduced new lead Ashton Kutcher as socially inept Internet billionare Walden Schmidt.

Meanwhile, Comedy Central's "Roast of Charlie Sheen", featuring host Seth MacFarlane and roasters William Shatner, Mike Tyson and Steve-O, racked up 6.4 million viewers, making it the most watched roast in the history of the franchise.