Bach Slap Recap: New Mexico is a State in America, Meagan

Remember when life was simple and we thought Ashley S. was the crazy one? Yeah... those were the days.

The girls have made it to Santa Fe, New Mexico. Unfortunately _____ thought it was actual Mexico and proceeded to show off her bikinis and talk about how she's never left the country before.

The first one-on-one date went to Carly. The two visited a love guru (cue: Mike Myers) and it was awkward from the get-go. The two meditated, breathed and chanted. Then it got weird.This "love guru" or so she says... made them take off each others clothes. Well, almost. Carly put an end to that real quick.

Then they spent the next 15 minutes breathing on each other.

Meanwhile, back at the house we learned how Kelsey's husband passed away. His heart stopped while walking to work one day. We also learned that Ashley I. is completely heartless. She basically dismissed it and made it clear that she thought Kelsey was just trying to play the sympathy card.

Carly stunned Chris with her intellect and sincerity. We learned she is insecure but working on opening up. Chris definitely gave her a rose. These two are absolutely adorable together. Who knew that would happen?

On the group date, Chris took the girls white water rafting. Kelsey (shocker) complained and complained. Meanwhile, Jade showed the girls what it's like to be a woMAN! She was clearly in pain as her hands and legs went numb, but didn't make a big deal about it. Totally a farm girl in training.

The Jordan came back.

No, that's not a typo. She showed up and told Chris she wanted a second chance. He said, "Sure, let's throw a huge wrench into the gears and piss everyone off. Mazel tov!" After a few one-on-one moments with the girls, Chris realized it was a terrible mistake and he sent her home. After that emotional roller coaster, Whitney got the group date rose.

Ashley then threw a fit (shocker).

Britt got the final one-on-one date, which she was terrified of because she's afraid of heights. The date was actually not skydiving, but a hot air balloon ride. Suddenly her fear just magically disappeared. She then ended up in bed with Chris, leaving America praying Chris doesn't turn into another Juan Pablo.

Then Kelsey decided to visit Chris' room and basically put the entire world on high alert. She told Chris about her husband dying before talking about how much she "loves" her story and how "amazing" it is. (Excuse me while I go lock my doors.) Honestly, it sounds like she killed her husband.

Chris cancelled the cocktail party because he felt he was delaying the inevitable. And because Kelsey was freaking everyone out. Then, out of nowhere, Kelsey had a panic attack.

To be continued...