Eccentric Louisiana Millionaire Wants To Link New Orleans To Shreveport With Boudin
This might be the most far fetched thing that anyone has ever proposed in the name of tourism for Louisiana. However, there is an actual plan by a wealthy Lousiana man to create the longest boudin chain in the history of history. Why would anyone care? Well, you clicked on this story, didn't you?
The plan was hatched by what some people might describe as a bit of a quirky resident. This is the same guy who has proposed such outlandish ideas as making the ability to balance a checkbook and fill out a tax form mandatory for high school graduates. He has also tried to push the belief that the NFL is as fake a pro wrestling. This great thinker also believes dog food companies lie when they say their granulated grains and pig anus are "the flavors dogs really love".
Now, this soon to be extremely wealthy man plans to make headlines around the world by linking the official pork pudding of our state, that's what boudin is classified as by the FDA, from one end of the state to the other.
Here's the plan.
First- Win the Powerball jackpot. That's $250 million. The drawing is tonight so don't buy a ticket. We want this guy to win the money.
Second- Take $5,755,200 of the Powerball winnings and buy 2,877,600 links of boudin. The calculations assume a link of boudin is 7 inches long and costs about $2.00. It also assumes that one mile of boudin equals 8,800 links. It also assumes the distance from New Orleans to Shreveport is 327 miles.
Third- Go on the Doctor Oz Show and punch him in the face. That guy is a tool and needs to have his eyebrows waxed with some greasy boudin covered knuckles.
Fourth- Keep Lt. Governor Billy Nungesser from eating the boudin before it can be laid end to end. He is a big boy you know. Don't you think he and New Jersey Governor Chris Christie look-alike?
Fifth- Call the "cash me ousside" skank and have her tweet about it for free publicity.
Don't you think all of these steps will lead to unlimited curiosity from around the world? People will flock to Louisiana to see the state with the courage to put its favorite food where its potholes are.
Speaking of potholes the dried boudin could be used to patch the rough spots on our roadways.This would work better than this same man's idea to use Silly Putty to do the same thing. Although the summer heat might bring some of the boudin grease to the top and make driving a bit treacherous.
So, who is this madman that has now taken about 4 minutes of your life that you can't ever get back? Well, it's me. I figure if I used $5,755,200 of the Powerball winnings and deduct that expense on my taxes I will get to keep about $154,000,000. Then I will move to Jamaica and I promise I won't ever bother you again.