
Texas Man Has Greatest Obituary of All-Time
My friend Hillary has a hilarious idea that I have been instructed to follow after she passes away. She has requested that her obituary be a Mad Lib. After reading Robert Adolph Boehm's obituary I am convinced that humor is the only way to move forward with an obituary.
The obituary starts off with "Robert Adolph Boehm, in accordance with his lifelong dedication to his own personal brand of decorum, muttered his last unintelligible and likely unnecessary curse on October 6, 2024, shortly before tripping backward over "some stupid mother****ing thing" and hitting his head on the floor." Of course, this has caught our attention by now.
Did Robert try to dodge the Vietnam War? According to the obituary, that's why he got his wife Dianne pregnant, "Raised Catholic, Robert managed to get his wife Dianne pregnant (three times) fast enough to just barely miss getting drafted into the Vietnam War by fathering Michelle, John, and Charlotte between 1967 and 1972. Much later, with Robert possibly concerned about the brewing conflict in Grenada, Charles was born in 1983."
Poor Robert was mocked for his lack of skills regarding one of his hobbies. "When taking up shooting as a hobby in his later years, he managed to blow not one, but two holes in the dash of his own car on two separate occasions" We have figured out at this point in the obituary that Robert did not phase Dianne and was never startled.
What did Robert do for a living? He became a "semi-professional truck driver' which they didn't want us to confuse with being a "professional semi-truck driver".
Robert was also a fashionista, "Frequently seen about town wearing the latest trend in homemade leather moccasins, a wide collection of unconventional hats, and boldly mismatched shirts and pants."
Robert was what kids' dreams were made of, and parents probably hated to see him coming with a harmonica in hand. "Robert also kept a wide selection of harmonicas on hand—not to play personally, but to prompt his beloved dogs to howl continuously at odd hours of the night to entertain his many neighbors, and occasionally to give to his many, many, many grandchildren and great-grandchildren to play loudly during long road trips with their parents."
Robert's wife Dianne passed away earlier this year and how that was presented is hilarious. "God finally showed mercy upon Dianne, getting her the hell out of there for some well-earned peace and quiet. Without Dianne to gleefully entertain, Robert shifted his creative focus to the entertainment of you, the fine townspeople of Clarendon, Texas. Over the last eight months, if you have not met Robert or seen his road show yet, you probably would have soon."
Perhaps our favorite line of the entire obituary is, "We have all done our best to enjoy/weather Robert's antics up to this point, but he is God's problem now."
Robert's funeral was called a "farewell tour" and it was held in Amarillo, Texas on October 14th. The family encouraged community members to "dust off whatever outdated or inappropriate combination of clothing" was available. We love Robert's family and know we would have loved him too. You can read the entire obituary by clicking here.
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