It's time again for another one of my relationship blogs where I tell you about the epic fail that has been known as my love life.

Many years ago, when I was first getting into the internet, I met a guy via chat who lived in California. We became great friends and talked every single day on the phone for an extended period of time. We made plans of one day meeting, but it was one of those things that couldn't be done right then. I never really saw many pics of him, and he didn't have a webcam, but it didn't matter because our personalities just meshed.

Well, things happened, eventually he and I both dated people in our respective towns, and life went on. We lost touch and found each other countless times. And just when I think I will never hear from him again, I do. And he always maintains that he loves me and plans to be with me blah blah blah. So, just to kinda keep this short, let me give you some bullet points on what has happened:

1. He's married to a girl who seems nice and is actually quite pretty.

2. He's been telling me at least 3 years that he's been trying to get a divorce from her, but either he hasn't found the right lawyer, or they are working on something, etc, etc. Oh, and they just celebrated their 3rd anniversary.

3. He knows I am in a very committed relationship that involves children.

4. He's even gotten his mother to talk to me to tell me how much she loves and misses me and wishes I was there.

So, if this relationship were a game of Baseball, this is how it would play out:

Strike 1: He says he thinks about and loves me every single day...while he eats breakfast with his wife EVERY day. So, like, ok, even if I WAS interested in him, why would I be now? I will always think he is talking to some other girl, feeding her the same garbage.

Strike 2: I have been divorced. He knows this. It doesn't take years to get divorced, under normal circumstances. They have purchased a house since he's said all this to me AND there are countless pictures of how happy they look and she gushes on and on about it.

How do I know that?

Well, because of Strike 3: He added me to Facebook. Let's face it. I am the last person in the world that should be judgemental, but I am. I am always thinking celebrities look like they smell bad, etc.

I always thought he had an odd smile. It looked like he just had a small mouth or something. Adding me to facebook was the worst thing this guy could possibly do. Why? Because it became apparent the reason he smiles funny is because he is hiding the trainwreck that is inside his mouth. Now, my thing is smiles, but you don't have to have perfect teeth to have a good smile. There is nothing I love more in a person than having a big, warm smile... I don't care what's there. But this guy just looks ridiculous. I mean, seriously. And if you heard all the crazy over-confidence crap I have been fed all this time... yeah.

So, let me get this straight, Mr. Man... you are going to feed me all this garbage for 10 years, claim to lose my high school ring, expect me to leave my boyfriend and his 2 kids that have gone through HELL and back, all the while thinking I am going to want to be with you, when you look like you should be sawing wood with your mouth?!?

OH... NO SIR!!!

And this is why you should never trust someone who doesn't smile with their teeth. They are ALWAYS hiding something (and it's usually not just their teeth). And I wonder why all the relationships that started over the internet never worked...

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