It's been almost a year now that I've been divorced. The biggest thing I've found since is that there are a lot of people dating that don't have any business doing so and I was one of them for a while.

While it may sound harsh, it's true. If you're not emotionally available, why would you put someone else through the emotional wringer? It's not fair and it's not right if you're not in a place to both give and receive. Or, if you're just after a fling, be upfront about it. I've seen that happen with and to both men and women since my separation and it causes such needless hurt feelings to people already feeling vulnerable.

That's why you have to do the work on YOU first. My friend Dusty calls me a 'Renaissance woman,' which makes me laugh. After all, I'm quite Ruben-esque and I am on a mission to find myself. That's why I called up this article in my saved folder again today on Facebook. It kept popping up last year and it spoke such wisdom to my heart. The article titled, 'Stay Single Until You Find Someone Who Puts Effort Into Persuing You Every Single Day' is from the website The Power of Silence. 

After reading this article, it reinforced several of the things I've been thinking about for a while now. First, it's important to find yourself before you ever look for someone else to compliment your life. After all, if you can't love yourself, how can you love someone else? Plus, is it really fair to enter a relationship when you're still dealing with feelings of grief and inadequacy from the end of your marriage?

Without giving away the whole article, which you really should read if you have any questions about your relationship, here's what they recommend that you should be looking for in a partner.

From the Power of Silence on what you should be looking for in a relationship:

  • someone who is willing to be there for you
  • someone who treats you the way you deserve
  • someone who puts effort into everyday conversations
  • someone who understands it takes two to tango
  • someone who puts effort into proving his/her love to you
  • someone who never stops pursuing you
  • someone who makes you realize that love is not supposed to be difficult

Good luck in love! xoxo

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