The Ten Commandments of Surviving Youree Drive [LIST]
We've all been there.. It's 4:55 PM and you just turned down Youree Drive only to be met by aggressive, bumper-to-bumper traffic.
Before this horrible, unavoidable event takes place in your life again, read my ten commandments and save yourself from some serious road-rage.
Breathe Deep Breaths
Seems simple, but often times on Youree Drive you'll find your blood pressure rising to an uncomfortable point. Before you flip your lid and start ramming cars into 70th Street and Bert Kouns, take some deep breaths. It will all be over soon. Well, maybe not soon, but eventually.
Turn Your Radio Up
When your stuck in bumper to bumper traffic on Youree Drive, it may feel like the end of the world. It truly is that depressing, but you can help easing the tensions without popping a brain vessel. Just turn up your radio and relax. It's gonna be a long ride, so you might as well enjoy some music.
Watch Out For Illegal U-Turns
This is not a joke, I probably hold the record for most tickets on Youree Drive. No, not speeding... Hard to speed when you move a mile every two hours. Instead, I'm notorious for using illegal U-turns. It may seem like your only option in an effort to find your way off Youree, but always look for signs before you go for it. Police officers get stuck in traffic too, and they'll pull you over faster than you can say, "I wish I stayed on Bert Kouns".
Violence Won't Solve Anything
Look, I get it. Sometimes, when you're surrounded by idiot drivers on Youree, the only logical solution seems like strangling the driver next to you Homer Simpson-style. Trust me, that will not help the situation at all. Sure you'll blow off some steam, but you'll still be stuck in traffic and possibly wanted by the police.
Learn The Side Roads
I've lived on Clyde Fant near Youree for several years now. Quickly, I realized driving on Youree Drive was like Hell, only worse and sometimes hotter. So I immediately learned every possibly route I could take to avoid even looking at Youree. Learn these routes and Youree Drive will never harm you again.
If The Light Is Green, Step On It
I learned this the hard way. On Youree Drive, drivers aren't playing any games and they have no time for shenanigans. When you come up to a red light, do not dare get on your phone. If that light turns green and you do not gas it within 0.0000001 seconds, all of the cars directly behind you will immediately bombard you with a plethora of honks, choice words, and maybe even a finger or two.
Make Up Your Mind And Stick With It
If you're not set on where your going or what you're looking for, the internet is the best place for you. Certainly not Youree Drive. I understand, there are millions of businesses to choose from, but if you wait until you're on Youree to make up your mind as to where you're going, you've already lost. Youree Drive is about to eat you up and spit you out, and so are the other drivers.
Stay In Your Lane
This will save you from a lot of heartache and possible punches to the face. Nothing is worse on Youree drive than erratic lane changing, but you must resit the urge to go from the far-right lane to the left turning lane. We all want to get off Youree as fast as possible, but cutting off 20 cars behind you will only make matters worse.
Let It All Out
When you've been stuck in traffic for a while on Youree, things may get to the point of no return. You'll find yourself daydreaming about buying a tank and pummeling every car in your path, but don't be afraid of that rage. Instead, roll up the windows, do not look to the right or your left (to save yourself from the embarrassment of what comes next), and let out the biggest burst of vocal anger you can possibly muster up. Scream whatever verbiage you feel necessary to burn off that steam. My go-to is "AHHHHH KELLY CLARKSON".
Avoid Youree At All Cost
My final commandment is to eliminate Youree Drive from your life altogether, Want Buffalo Wild Wings? Good news, there's one in Bossier. Dick's Sporting Goods? Academy on Bert Kouns works just as well. Youree is the fastest route to where you're going? Sorry, any route you take will most likely be faster than Youree. If you want to live a happier, healthier life, avoid Youree Drive at all cost. Trust me, you'll thank me later.