A Bleak Future Without Pajamas In Public… A Real Life Story
As you may have heard, Caddo Parish is considering banning wearing pajamas in public. This is no good (especially when you consider the vast majority of my wardrobe is made of lingerie and pajama bottoms). If this law passes, I would actually HAVE to get dressed to make my morning Starbucks run (and so would you). The future looks bleak. And you may be wondering to yourself, “How bleak is it, Bristol?”
Well, we here at K945 have a time machine and we can see into the future. (Yes, this post is going to need a bit of suspension of disbelief, but if you believe that Bruce Willis, by himself, can wipeout 32 Russian Terrorists by blindly throwing some C4 down an elevator shaft, I think you can handle this.) So, here is a news story from the future…and remember to join K945 for the Pajamuary Revolt or else this could be your future… (INITIATE DREAM SEQUENCE NOW!)
SHREVEPORT, LA—Shreveport-Bossier has united to defeat a common enemy, people wearing pajamas in public. This issue has been highly contested through out the entire legal process, even springing a pajama revolution from local radio station K945, but in the end, their effort was in vane. Despite an outcry of public outrage, the bill was pushed through with no opposition.
Newly elected Shreveport Mayor, Adrianne Hytler, said “This law was put into effect for the safety of the people. They just don’t know this is what they need yet.” Even those who were for the new law, are opposed to the extreme punishments being implemented by law enforcement. It is a $500 fine for a first offense, and it only gets worse from there. Second offense punishment, is a $1,000 and 30 days in jail, and for third offenses the punishment is a choice between castration or a ten year prison sentence.
“The whole reason this law was put into effect is to keep people from flashing (their privates) in public. It’s not good for me, it’s not good for you, and it’s not good for our children,” says Hytler. However, local radio station K945, who has been leading the fight against pajama laws since they launched the “Pajamuary Revolt” last January, says that Hytler and the state are being ridiculous.
“How are the rest of us supposed to be penalized and held responsible because some drunk, homeless guy at Wal Mart flashed his junk in public? We don’t chastise every politician because a few of them get caught with their hand in the financial cookie jar or a mistress,” said Erin Bristol, former personality on K945, with a sly grin from behind the dirty plexiglass at Bossier Maximum Security Facility.
She is currently serving a three month jail sentence for public intimidation and wearing pajamas in public after a public protest at Phoenix Underground. Bristol and Stifler from K945 led a pajama revolt when they started Pajamuary.
In fact, their effort caused such an impact on the local pajama business, that for months before they were outlawed, it was nearly impossible to find a pair of pajama bottoms in the Shreveport/Bossier Area.
“People like pajamas. I know, I LOVE my pajamas. And I refuse to give them up,” says Stifler, former DJ and leader of the underground Pajama Movement. “They can have my pajamas when they peel them off my cold, dead, rigor mortis stricken body. That way I can play one last game of ‘What’s in My Pants?’”
Since we originally broke this story months ago, the local government has made wearing pajamas in public illegal with strict punishments, have made strives in an effort to get K945 shut down on the grounds of inciting anarchy and are now ruling the city with an iron fist. But Bristol isn’t worried. And neither is Stifler. “When the going gets rough, the rough get stiff in their pajamas and show all these crazy folk where to stick it.”